Friday, March 30, 2007

Bush Slays Audience Of Media Stooges And Sycophants

Jokes About Cheney Assassination Attempt And Sacked Attorneys Scandal

George W. Bush is really coming into his own as a stand-up comedian. Problem is, he's the President of the United States, and on most things related to his presidency, hes' a very good comedian. But most of America is not laughing.

At least, they're not laughing anymore.

From :

In keeping with the light-hearted traditions of the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner, Bush poked fun at himself and a few others in remarks that drew laughter and applause at the Washington Hilton Hotel.

Noting that Vice-President Dick Cheney was not in attendance, Bush said: "He's had a rough few weeks. To be honest, his feelings were kind of hurt. He said he was going on vacation to Afghanistan where people like him."

Taliban militants specifically targeted Cheney with a bomb attack when the vice president recently visited Afghanistan. Both the US and Afghani governments downplayed the significance of a major terror attack on the front gate of the Bagram base while Cheney was inside, though Cheney was not so reluctant to discuss his close call.

On the controversy over the Justice Department's firing of eight federal prosecutors, Bush said: "I have to admit we really blew the way we let those attorneys go. You know you've lost it when people sympathise with lawyers."

Okay, now that's funny.

Looking ahead to life after leaving the White House, Bush said he might follow President Clinton's lead and produce a memoir.

"I'm thinking of something really fun and creative for mine," he said. "You know, maybe a pop-up book."

Possible titles: How W. Got His Groove Back, Who Moved My Presidency? and Tuesday with Cheney.

Here's more from Bush's speech, minus the many brackeded references to (laughter) and (applause) that comes with the White House transcript :

I'm glad to see everybody here is enjoying themselves. Don't think I haven't noticed all the drinking that's been going on. In my State of the Union address, I said we needed to increase the use of ethanol.

Well, where should I start? A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my Vice President had shot someone. Ahhh, those were the good old days.'s good to see Speaker Pelosi tonight. Well, some have wondered how the two of us would get along. Some say she's bossy, she's opinionated, she's not to be crossed. Hey, I get along with my mother.

But between the Congress and the press, there is a lot of scrutiny in this job. Not a day goes by that I don't get scrutineered one way or the other.

No matter how tough it gets, however, I have no intention of becoming a lame duck President -- unless, of course, Cheney accidently shoots me in the leg. Hey, I have 664 days left in the White House. So technically, I'm a temporary guest worker.

Hilarious stuff. What. A. Riot.